Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Theory of Dipshits

The Theory of Dipshits

In recent years the world has a seen a resurgence in the way we view and value people. I clearly remember some five years ago if you would have called someone a ‘Dog’ he would have literally bitten your head off. But now calling someone a ‘Dog’ is akin to giving him tremendous respect. Is this what Lord Ram meant by Kalyug? May be or may be not. But one thing is for sure the idea of good and bad, cool and the not so cool have drastically changed. Off the variants of the newly phrased social classes The Dipshits are the most prominent. You can generally spot them in form of various wannabes.

To understand this theory we will have to begin from the basics. The origination of these classes can be traced back to the infamous and out casted Dumbasses. Now these were a really unfortunate bunch, they neither had brain to learn, the quotient for coolness and worst they didn’t have the zeal to attain any of these. They lived in the masses without any from of acknowledgement. This species is still prevalent but as always unacknowledged.

However there is one more and a severe form of Dumbasses and they are the ones called Dipshits. Dipshits are an extreme variant, they are the dumbasses with the delusion of being an asshole (An Asshole is an iconic class with very high aptitude for spontaneous coolness, they are a higher degree of jackass, but due to eccentric nature may go wild sometimes). The general quality of a Dipshit is they are annoying, irritating and sticking bunch of losers. Self praising and attention seeking is a very common trait. In short when you feel a certain person is a pain in the arse you can quite positively assume that he/she is a dipshit.

There are three basic laws for DIPSHITs in the contemporary world:
1.      1. A Person is either a Dipshit by birth or becomes one through his experiences
      2. The Number of Dipshits in this world are continuously increasing
     3. Third and perhaps a very crucial one is “ The Dipshitness of a person is directly proportional to the amount  of time he or she spends with a Dipshit and is indirectly proportional to the level of his Assholeness”
i)        CASE I ( When the time is a measurable entity): In case the time spend by a person with a DIPSHIT is measurable the following formula can be used to calculate the dipshitness)
PD = t.CD/PA
PD = The Dipshitness of the person to be calculated
T = Time spend by the person with a DIPSHIT
CD =Dipshitness of the person in contact
PA =Constant of Assholeness of the person under observation.

ii)      CASE II ( When the 2 person spend immeasurable amount of time together): in this we need to apply integration with time as limit varying between ‘0’ to ‘∞’
 PD = o t.CD/PA
Here the constants reflect the same thing as in the above equation.

Using these laws of DIPSHITNESS you can easily measure the DIPSHITness of a person, an organization and by using genetic algorithms even entire countries can be measured for their DIPSHITNESS.


Akash said...

Haha really valuable post ;) Worth enjoying. Overall pretty good and is full of humor :D It actually reminded me of my old self coz i was also a dipshit


swaroop pratap said...

Great Mayank you wrote in right topic in right time , i also faced a lot such type situations where i stand alone among those despites and normally as situations i felt guitly but after reading this one i am so happy because i am not that one(besak despite) and never adopted things from them.
you also gave a equation to manipulate you despitness hhaha good :D you wrote good things and i am a big fan of your writing, please continue your work so that we will able to calculate such despiteness in future and also enjoy you depth..

Nikhil the shadeslayer said...

This was really funny and erm intelligent :P you really gave some serious thought about dipshit bro :P hope to see some more of that asshole though :D :P it started with a serious note but ended on a high \m/ :P

Shriram said...

Remarkable deduction bro ;)
and I totally agree with your point(as I always do :P),what I feel is one of the major reason for this chaos is we are in kinda cultural change n people are confused what virtues (or whatever they are called:P) they should follow(though many ppl wont agree m jus makin my point :P)
Three basic laws for DIPSHITs was totally awesome :D

Asra :) said...

Hi :)

Brilliant post!!!

Starting off as something serious, I was LOL-ing at the end! Especially, the eureka pic at the end! Bravo! =D>

gautam said...

interesting one.........the conclusions drawn prove that I m not a dipshit even though I am in contact of few of them.........

Monk Avant Garde said...

Akash bro you were not really a dipshit you have had brain :P

Monk Avant Garde said...

@ Swaroop Honored man :D
@ nikhil thanks Bhai :D
and yeah i am planning a
Theory OF assholes too :P
@Shree Gald that you liked it bro :D

Monk Avant Garde said...

@ Asra thanks a lot for the comment :D it made my day :D

@ Gauti bhai you are not one for sure:P and some people in ur contact are ones for sure too :P

Rahul A.K said...

@Mayank: This post is seriously awesome.. Mayank bhaiyya do me a writer banne ka ambition chod do.. :P Future mai tere books publish honge aur humari watt lag jaayegi :| :P Just kidding..You'll be an awesome writer..And i will read all of your works :D

Dipshit \m/ :| :P

jaipraqas said...

Brilliant point of view. I got no words to describe this theory. All i can do is that, i'd take a lesson and kick the butts off of the dipshits in my life. Kudos bro...

mediocre said...

good one brother, looking forward to the next one.

Anonymous said...

this was a funny but irritating post
so you could easily be a dipshit
who knows?

haw haw

Monk Avant Garde said...

@ Rahul thats really sweet of you bro :)

@ Jaipraqas He he sure man :P

@ Mediocre(DD) thanks bro i hope i will blog soon the seocnd part that is

Monk Avant Garde said...

@the feeling lioness : well as mentioned in the theory Dipshitness and assholeness are inversely related :P

and everyone has got some amount of dipshitness but as long as the assholess is more than the dipshitness yuu are in a safe territory :P
for myself i belive my assholess is more then the dipshitness :P

Johanny PĂ©rez said...


Mayank, how hard is to live in a world with Dipsh... JeJe... :-S