Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Theory of Dipshits

The Theory of Dipshits

In recent years the world has a seen a resurgence in the way we view and value people. I clearly remember some five years ago if you would have called someone a ‘Dog’ he would have literally bitten your head off. But now calling someone a ‘Dog’ is akin to giving him tremendous respect. Is this what Lord Ram meant by Kalyug? May be or may be not. But one thing is for sure the idea of good and bad, cool and the not so cool have drastically changed. Off the variants of the newly phrased social classes The Dipshits are the most prominent. You can generally spot them in form of various wannabes.

To understand this theory we will have to begin from the basics. The origination of these classes can be traced back to the infamous and out casted Dumbasses. Now these were a really unfortunate bunch, they neither had brain to learn, the quotient for coolness and worst they didn’t have the zeal to attain any of these. They lived in the masses without any from of acknowledgement. This species is still prevalent but as always unacknowledged.

However there is one more and a severe form of Dumbasses and they are the ones called Dipshits. Dipshits are an extreme variant, they are the dumbasses with the delusion of being an asshole (An Asshole is an iconic class with very high aptitude for spontaneous coolness, they are a higher degree of jackass, but due to eccentric nature may go wild sometimes). The general quality of a Dipshit is they are annoying, irritating and sticking bunch of losers. Self praising and attention seeking is a very common trait. In short when you feel a certain person is a pain in the arse you can quite positively assume that he/she is a dipshit.

There are three basic laws for DIPSHITs in the contemporary world:
1.      1. A Person is either a Dipshit by birth or becomes one through his experiences
      2. The Number of Dipshits in this world are continuously increasing
     3. Third and perhaps a very crucial one is “ The Dipshitness of a person is directly proportional to the amount  of time he or she spends with a Dipshit and is indirectly proportional to the level of his Assholeness”
i)        CASE I ( When the time is a measurable entity): In case the time spend by a person with a DIPSHIT is measurable the following formula can be used to calculate the dipshitness)
PD = t.CD/PA
PD = The Dipshitness of the person to be calculated
T = Time spend by the person with a DIPSHIT
CD =Dipshitness of the person in contact
PA =Constant of Assholeness of the person under observation.

ii)      CASE II ( When the 2 person spend immeasurable amount of time together): in this we need to apply integration with time as limit varying between ‘0’ to ‘∞’
 PD = o t.CD/PA
Here the constants reflect the same thing as in the above equation.

Using these laws of DIPSHITNESS you can easily measure the DIPSHITness of a person, an organization and by using genetic algorithms even entire countries can be measured for their DIPSHITNESS.