Confused

Ohhk

So here the first piece of Shit

The day Started of pretty fine had internals the one we gave was a disaster No issues at least file got complete

It was at night when the chemicals of my brain stirred briskly

Ohhk so here we go

See this girl tht I hv been having a crush on for more than months now I really do like her a lot but than when I talk to her I behave as a complete nutcase. I just don’t know wat the fuck happens to me when I talk to her yeah most of the time I think I behave ok but when it comes to talking I don’t have any sub to talk on and I pick the weirdest and worst one MYSELF. I bug her quite a lot I think. But the fact is I like talkin to her.

In my entire life there hasn’t been any gal I have had hard time to impress largely because I never tried to impress I guess but in this case I do so knowingly or unknowingly. But I fact is I mess things up in the process. Than today I decided to ask myself wat I really want and wat I shud be doing and there’s when the confusion began. I LIKE here a lot I don’t have any doubt about the fact. I care for aswell whenever she will need me for anything if it be possible for me I’ll never back down or runaway. Ofcourse I don’t expect her to ask me for Taj mahal as a gift. But thn I thought is this something tht I do only for her. Nooh! I m like this I do this for almost any of my frnd.

Than wats so special about her. Hmmm thought! Thought! I gave it quite a thought.. No Darn Answers I guess its cz she is so full of life and has got that elegant ladies charm in her may be this is why. May be talkin to her relaxes my overworked mental muscles. I Freakin hv no Idea Why I LOVE talkin to her.

And here’s where the problem begins. Do I love her ??

What the fuck this gives rise to another Damned Question ??

What the heck is LOVE ?

For an Aloof kindda guy like me Questions like this easiest to answer when concerned with someone else and hardest ones when I m myself associated.

So as usual I had discussion with a friend not telling him why I asked this I Asked him

“ Yaaar Ek baat bata How do u know u love someone ?? “

He said “Hmmmm”

        something tricky

        dekh suppose 'x' ko tu like karta hai

         'like'

ME:   yup

      thn

Friend:  toh if in case yadi tereko jab bhi tu ckhalimauka hota hai

        ya khushi ka mauka hota hai

        aur uski yuaad aa jae

        dats means ur missing her too much

         yadi koi uske baare mein ant shantbole

         toh treri sanak jae.....

         lekin tu kuch bole na

         dat means u respect her alot

         yadi kisi ne kuch usko bol diya...toh tera khoon khaul jae

         aisi hi bahut saari cheezon ka combintion milkar hota hai

        hamesha uski chinta ki abhi kya kr rahi hogi..theek toh hogi ya nahi

        etc etc

ME :hmmm

The  chat was mentally over here as I was looking for answers here

dekh suppose 'x' ko tu like karta hai

         'like'

Hmm Yup I think I do like her a lot She has got a composure and Self presence tht makes me forgot myself for sometime otherwise I m too concerned with myself. But thn when I talk to her I talk abt myself generally so she must be feeling tht I m so damn self indulged  L

Result -> I Do Like her a lot <3

toh if in case yadi tereko jab bhi tu ckhalimauka hota hai

        ya khushi ka mauka hota hai

        aur uski yuaad aa jae

        dats means ur missing her too much

Hmm another big problem in this God Damnd Life ( Though I love this world and life in my own way) we rarely have chances of real happiness and I hvnt experienced any in long tym so cant say if I’ll remember her in those tym of happiness. But yeah I do think about her atleast a few times in a day.

Result :- Still Confused if I miss her too muchK

         yadi koi uske baare mein ant shantbole

         toh treri sanak jae.....

         lekin tu kuch bole na

         dat means u respect her a lot

Hmmm Well this is quite true though I take things Objectively but I don’t see any fault in her so I don’t like to listen anything against her.

Result -> I do respect her a lot ( this is something I never confused anyway )

yadi kisi ne kuch usko bol diya...toh tera khoon khaul jae

Hmmm rather tough one Cause till date none has said anything to her but thn I m someone who never gets angry so if I’ll get angry if someone says something to her Hmmm May be I’ll get I can see myself getting angry but thn I m 100 % sure about it aswell as I don’t know if I can be angry as I hv never been angry

Result -> Confusion

  aisi hi bahut saari cheezon ka combintion milkar hota hai

        hamesha uski chinta ki abhi kya kr rahi hogi..theek toh hogi ya nahi

        etc etc

As a person wat happens around me rarely bothers me and I m like this I dunno why but thn I think if I’ll be

I’ll be too passionate a lover. So it’s a state of confusion tht I’ll think wat she’ll be doing right now blah blah  frankly as of now I don’t think so about her tht “ Abhi kya kar rahee hogi” one of the reason may be I don’t really have time to think about this Yeah but I do think abt her “ like she has got such a cool attitude ‘ she looked well tht day, I shudnt hv said this , ishud behave this way, Why do I think so much abt her” and so on but not “ Kaisee hogi , kya kar rahee hogi . etc etc”

Finally after thinking for so long I felt like I was banging my head on a wall with no result so I gave up afterall I m a complete nutcase but than I felt HOW CAN  KNOW IF SHE ‘s THE ONE FOR ME UNLESS I TRY

Another mess in my mind now How to do that should I do this and so

END CONLUSION

I DO LIKE HER A LOT
I CARE FOR HER
I RESPECT HER

BUT NO IDEA

IF 

I LOVE HER 

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